man-bro-bukkake-theater: ivanoooze: coagulates: right now at this very moment i am in the lobby of my dorm witnessing two people fighting and using bible verses to back up their side. they actually have their bibles open o…….k…. IT’S TIME TO D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-DISCUSS OUR BELIEFS I ACTIVATE MY SPELL CARD, MONSTER REBORN JESUS WILL BE REVIVED IN THREE TURNS
mom: why is there a hispanic man scaling our balcony with a tool belt on
me: i am juliet
me: and he is my romeo
me: no, i'm just kidding please call the cops
thorhead: can you imagine ancient egyptian spelling bees though “spell mummified” “eye fish eye eye bird squiggle bird cat circle” “are you high”
My Dad: If Tim Burton directed The Hunger Games he would cast Johnny Depp as Katniss.
unicornwhores: and people thought gays would ruin the sanctity of marriage.
I think it's funny we've coined the phrase "the...
jennydeane: technojournee: Shouldn’t there be no limits?
Kim Kardashian: I'd like to marry this dude and spend $10 million dollars on a publicity wedding please oh and then 72 days later I'd like a divorce
America: Well sure why not?
Britney Spears: I want to get hitched in a chapel in Vegas and have the marriage annulled fifty-five hours later because I didn't know what the hell I was doing
America: Whatever you want!
Carmen Electra: I want to get married in Vegas to this basketball player and then annul the marriage nine days later cuz we were both drunk lololololololololol
America: Okay, sounds like fun!
Gay couple: We would like to get married and spend our lives together and possibly adopt unwanted children to give them a good home and -
America: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU IDIOTS THAT IS DISGUSTING AND WRONG YOU DEFILE THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE SO GTFO
Been really bad
Eating bits of bread. Probably why my weight loss has stalled so much. Down 108 total. :/
And I’m sorry
Gene’s cousin and his wife used to be really close to us. We would hang out a lot and do bonfires and watch movies and what-not. Then there was a family fight and Gene and I just stayed out of it. Well, since Gene’s other cousin got married in March, I have only heard from these two twice since. Once a few weeks ago when they asked me to babysit their daughter, and again today asking...
When you walk away, you don’t hear me say, JUST FUCKING JUMP OVER THE THREE INCH...– Utada Hikaru (via i-iv-v-i)
What an astonishing thing a book is. It’s a flat object made from a tree with...– Carl Sagan, on books (via 365lightyears) :’)
I wish you could tape your dreams while you slept...
shout out to potatoes for being so fucking versatile and delicious